


anchor

by sincities



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff, Comfort, Holding Hands, M/M, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:28:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24685363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincities/pseuds/sincities
Summary: lesbians-4-kelsey on tumblr <3
Relationships: Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Comments: 18
Kudos: 74





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> lesbians-4-kelsey on tumblr <3

"what's up, bud?” noel laughed loudly, petting chili as he stepped in cody’s apartment.

he walked into cody’s bedroom with a smile, taking a moment to take in the sight before him.

cody was sitting at the edge of his bed with his head in his hands.

it wasn't that weird, nothing out of the ordinary if it was someone else, but this was cody, and cody, despite popular belief, was almost always doing something since he can never stay still.

whenever noel was over (which was often), cody would be cooking, eating, or pacing for god knows what reason. and if he was sitting, he would be on his phone, editing or watching something on tv.

and maybe today was just a different day, maybe cody was just thinking, but noel could sense the gloom in the room.

he felt it in his chest, and had even more reason to worry as he stepped closer and began to pick up on cody’s heavy breathing.

noel moved forward until he was standing in front of him, squatting down to get a better look at cody’s face. "cody?"

a thin layer of sweat spread over just about every bit of cody's face, starting from beneath his hairline. his hair looked slightly damp, eyes puffy and red, irritated from the tears that were still faintly but visibly trailing down his flustered cheeks. his chest was heaving dramatically, the sound of his struggled breathes coming out in waves.

 _panic attack,_ noel realized, and he put a little more space between himself and cody, knowing space was best in this state.

"cody, can you hear me?" he asked, "nod once if you can."

cody nodded his head, still not meeting noel's worried eyes, which was okay. _it made sense._

"okay. listen to me, cody. we're the only ones here," noel says, maintaining a low tone, words coming out slower than usual. he had to pace himself. speaking any faster would most likely cause confusion, or come out as threatening. "you're safe, i promise, just listen to my voice. nod once if you understand me."

cody nodded again.

"okay. try to take a single breath, like this." noel took a deep breath, making sure it was loud enough for cody to hear over his own, "just one."

he watched as cody’s hands clenched into the sheets as he struggled, breathing becoming more raged.

"take your time. i’m here," noel explained, "try to focus on something that soothes you, makes you feel safe, it'll be easier that way. i promise."

cody pinched his eyes shut like he was fighting against thoughts that did the exact opposite.

"cody, a safe place. i believe in you, you can push through this, cody. i know you can."

noel's palms began to moisten with sweat. his heart rate had gone up, and he was aware. he was worried, far more worried than he had expected to be in a situation like this. he had to calm himself as well because if cody listened in, it would probably only heighten his own panic.

"a safe place," cody repeated, allowing the images to flood his mind. "something that makes me happy. a place that feels like home." he breathed loudly. 

“something… someone that grounds you. the one person who keeps you connected at all times, will always bring you back… an anchor, cody."

kelsey, his family, his friends… _noel_.

noel, who had been there for him since the beginning.

noel, who almost never failed to make him laugh.

noel, who always puts everyone else before himself.

noel, who was always ready to jump into the fire just to make sure the people he loved didn’t burn.

noel.

noel made him feel safe. noel made him feel happy. noel kept him grounded. noel.

"an anchor, cody, an anchor." it came out hushed, almost as though he was saying it to himself.

noel’s eyes had closed at some point without him even noticing, and when they reopened, he noticed the slowing rise and fall of cody's chest and his eyes gazing into noel's.

noel took a step closer, hesitant and slow.

"cody?"

"noel." his voice came out a little raspy, a little breathy, a little cracked.

"are you okay?”

"i'm- i’m better," he huffs, "thank you. you didn't have to, but you did and… thank you."

the corners of noel's mouth tugged upwards lightly as he formulated a small smile.

he sat closer to cody, accidentally bumping their knees together. cody probably didn't want to talk, but he probably wanted the company. noel was always in need of someone else after panic attacks. he wasn't sure why, it's just how it was.

cody stared down at him expectantly, awaiting something, noel wasn't sure what to say. 

so he didn't say anything.

instead, he slowly reached out for one of cody's hands, rested his own over it for a moment to allow any sign of rejection.

it never came. all he got was a softened gaze from cody. therefore, noel wrapped his hand around cody's and pulled it closer to him. he held cody's hand in both of his own, close to his chest, and caressed cody's palm with his thumb, not once breaking eye contact.

"i'm here," was all noel said, and cody understood.


	2. Chapter 2

"i thought about you," cody voiced from where he stood by the stove, mixing the steamed vegetables in with the sauce.

they were cooking together. it had taken a while, but noel eventually dragged him into the kitchen to help take his mind off things.

he looked over at cody with furrowed brows, "what?"

"when you… when you told me to think of something that would help me calm down, i thought of you."

noel widened his eyes and lifted his chin up, his heart immediately started pounding in his ears. he wasn't expecting that at all.

sure, he had reasons to suspect that the feelings he had for cody were mutual, at least a little, but earlier, he told cody to think about a lot of things, things that boiled down to an anchor, and he couldn't possibly be that for cody,  _ mean that much to cody. _

he cleared his throat, noticing that cody's eyes were now on his. “which... which part?" cody's brows creased at the question.

"you told me to think about things, people, that described an anchor. i thought about you."

"i thought kelsey would be your anchor." noel's words were strained, struggled.

the sudden realization that,  _ yes _ , he did indeed mean that much to cody, was too much to handle at once.

cody gave him an almost secretive smile, "she was. not anymore."


	3. Chapter 3

time flew by after that.

they spoke a little about nothing, really. random ideas for the podcast or music, even music video ideas. noel was excited for his sketch videos and cody couldn't be more fascinated. then they ate, and talked some more.

okay, _well_ , noel talked and cody listened with a big smile, and sometimes rolled his eyes with the occasional bad joke, but it was nice.

"it's really late," noel stated after checking the time on his phone, noticing that it was a little past two in the morning. he stood from where he was sitting next to cody. "i should probably- you know, get going."

cody's eyes suddenly seemed to sadden, the way they always did whenever noel decided to leave, but maybe it was just in noel's imagination, as always, because as quick as the look came, it vanished.

cody nodded, but said nothing.

"call me if you need anything, okay?"

cody nodded again.

noel nodded as well, like an idiot because he had no idea what to do with himself, and turned away before beginning to walk off.

he didn't want to leave, never really did.

he wanted to stay with cody, spend the entire night just talking, or cuddling in bed watching anything. he wanted to joke about something like they always did, and he wanted to relax and enjoy cody's company. he wanted to sleep in the same bed as cody, and wake up next to cody.

he wanted a lot of things, things that he could possibly have, maybe, if he would just say something.

_maybe._

_if he said something._

"noel."

he spun around immediately, almost as if it was a reflex, turning to face cody who gave him a hopeful look that mirrored the way noel was currently feeling.

"please stay."

noel's heart took a leap and began thrumming viciously, not sure how to respond to cody's words, which was ridiculous considering that he's been wanting this for forever. he should've been prepared but for it but, _shocker_ , he wasn't.

"you don't have to. i understand if you don't want to… it's-"

noel didn't give him a chance to finish, just made his way over to the couch and sat down beside cody.

"i'll stay as long as you need me to," noel said, heart beating loudly in his ear.

cody's voice was low when he said, "don't say that. i want you to stay forever," it was probably meant to come out as a joke, but the smile on his face didn't seem to portray that.

noel laughed, a short and quiet giggle, but just as joyful as always. "i wouldn't mind that at all, actually."

"yeah?"

he nodded slowly, intertwining his hand with cody's, "yeah."


	4. Chapter 4

noel woke up cuddled around cody.

they hadn't fallen asleep like this. last night, when they laid down together, there was a good twelve inches of space between them, and they were facing one another. but there was no skin on skin contact.

but now, cody's back was against noel’s chest, his arm securely wrapped around cody's waist, legs tangled together with a blanket hitched up to their shoulders.

it was everything noel has ever wanted and more. he’s never felt a comfort like this before despite having shared a bed with someone on a more explicit and physically intimate level before.

this was different.

this was cody.

noel couldn't say he didn't expect it to be, but it was overwhelming to say the least.

cody looked vulnerable in this state, soft and the most relaxed noel has seen him in a while. it was a strange feeling, holding him in his arms, after he shared a vulnerable moment with him. because he trusted noel. noel, his anchor.

it was still hard to believe, but it was true and that meant more to noel than cody would ever understand.

"you're thinking too much," a throaty voice murmured sleepily, making noel still immediately, "your heart is racing, and i can basically hear your thoughts."

"i'm sorry," noel whispered, moving to separate himself from cody so he could scurry off the bed. he wasn't looking to disturb cody at the moment.

cody pulled noel's hand into his own, keeping him secure where he was.

"stay. please."

so he did.


End file.
